Saturday 13 September 2014

Lines- Struggle

Who wants to be with someone who's sad most of the time, Tessa thought as she lay in bed. It was about mid afternoon and she had somehow found her way back there. Nothing in particular had actually happened that day, at least nothing anyone would feel was entirely significant. Tessa's eyes watered and she struggled to breath as her chest began to contract. "I'm just pathetic". The covers were pulled to her chin and distress painted her face. No one could quite understand the ghost that dwelled within her; the lonely eyes, the faint frown and her quiet void voice. Tessa had more then she could hope for but the sinking feeling always returned; sometimes worse then before where her insides felt that they were in excruciating pain. She turned on some music and switched her phone to silent. There was nothing she hated more then to make a fool of herself when she was in this state. And it was quite justifiable as her filter never withheld during these times of great sadness. She had managed to get herself in a great deal of trouble with her phone and she didn't feel like texting every person she knew searching for validation.
There was only one person she wanted to talk to and it appeared that this was the worst idea of all; so she refrained hesitantly. Tessa didn't however refrain from looking back at messages and wondering were she had gone wrong, if she had in fact done something wrong or if she was reading to much into it. "It shouldn't matter" she kept repeating in her head "I shouldn't care". And maybe she shouldn't but for some reason or another she did and it bugged her immensely that through all the messages the conversation had ended just as abruptly as it had began. Sunlight poured through the curtains sides begging to be acknowledged. It was not the kind of day one could ignore without reason.

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