Chants from the Outside

When you're sick of hearing
Your hairs too short,
Why don't you smile.
I liked you better ---
You could be pretty,
If you lost some ---
If you got some---
If you wore this
If you did that.
Keep your chin up,
No more weakness
Opps I mean sadness.
Take that fat off.
Fix those eyebrows,
Still not loved yet?
Don't be needy,
Control control control,
Those emotions,
That girliness,
Their desires,
That hair,
Your voice...
Enough!
Do you have a voice?
Does it matter?
Of course it matters,
Make it heard.
Quiet the noises,
You are wonderful.
You are just for you.

I Must Have Missed That

Once I forgot how to write,

Sat blurry eyed at a blank screen,

Treating the keyboard like a minefield

Each letter threatening to go off at any minute,

waiting,

terrifying the fight out of me, controlling me.

Soon I forgot I had a voice.

The world grew louder and I

Grew smaller,

Dragged away by hands,

My heart longed to yell

NO.

But "no" is a privilege of the bold.

The castle once built with words was stomped on

by kids in the sandbox.

Metaphorically of course,

Because kids could never be so cruel...

I must have missed that.

How Stupid.

I remember equating my self to the number,

On an English piece I loved so much,

I felt so deeply.

Yet still she would write

"confusing... write what you know"

Well here is what I know;

Sometimes I forget how to run because

That one boy in gym class said

"You run funny".

Gathering laughter like tokens from the other guys;

Who would chime in with,

"You should really shave your legs".

Like some freak show had occurred;

I never knew hair grew back there...

I must have missed that.

How Stupid.

Once having words ripped from me,

thrown in my face,

I'm the joke.
Sprawled across a paper
In the form of a compliment:
I never knew you but...
you seem nice.
Or big and bold nothing else holding on..
Quiet. 

The quiet girl. 

Eventually the slut.

You loved to make me...

I must have missed that.