I've been thinking about how I never remember dreams of you any more,
and how it seemed to convince you that my love was gone.
It appeared to hurt you so deeply so I try not to tell you how I can still feel you there,
How I just never seem to remember.
You've watched my words grow thin and my dreams disappear,
My motivation diminish,
Moods swinging haphazardly from the ceiling, wondering what will happen next.
When you're so happy to see me but I break out in anger,
You're excitement fades to a tired
"Not again"
I can't stand to see you hurt but I do it anyway.
Why do I do it.
I worry that I've scared you so badly you may never understand.
And I just can't explain;
How I no longer need to dream of you...
All I need to do is wake up.
I just need to open my eyes.
How the real you is far better then any you I could ever conjure in a dream.
And how I just can't write you justice.
The words sound too small. The thoughts come out wrong.
And though there are so many ways to describe beauty,
I find my self stuck with the task of describing something much more then any beauty I've encountered before.
I can't describe the amount of overwhelming cute you exude with just one look.
Or how I know if I never heard you say 'g-night' the way you do again I would be lost.
How you give me at the very least 3 kisses before we close our eyes,
And if I fall asleep before those 3 kisses how you are upset with me the next morning.
One time you were so upset you tried to sneak out without even saying goodbye;
Your stubborn stance when I woke up and asked for a kiss and you finally gave it to me. Begrudgingly, half heartedly.
But you never stay very angry for long.
And then I invade your face with mine and you're just annoyed.
They are those little things that make you, you.
That make it so hard to feel satisfied by any other hug when all I want is yours.
Or how you're the only person who can make my baby voice seem less ridiculous then it really is.
You're the tickle fight master even when I pretend that I'm not the least bit ticklish, "cross my heart".
Because one time someone told me if you ignore it, its not so much fun
And if its not so much fun people wont tickle you any more.
I hated that stupid tickle feeling.
But I just can't deny how amazing your smile feels when you break through just a little and I allow myself to feel it. Laughter ripping from our throats so loud I hope even Mar's can hear.
I can't tell you how often I think about that smile.
I just can't believe its for me.
