There's a feeling all over my body I can't seem to shake,
I go to sleep and it doesn't go away, I dream of it and wake up to it magnified and trembling ugly on my lips; fluttering maliciously in my stomach, threatening vile. And I can't move, won't move; can't make these eyes sleep any longer but being awake feels almost worse.
My mind turns songs into screeching and love into guilt;
Drawn out, wretched and life sucking guilt I decidedly deserve to experience. I am imprisoned by a lake of hatred, darkness and fear; over powering my entire being, taking over my life;
My not so horrible life... and I hate that there's so much worse out there and I can't even keep it together.
There are people who have been through hell but do not bow down sniveling as I do to nothing more than a feeling; an emotion I am meant to accept or ignore.
But I struggle. And I thrash destructively about.
Guilt again for being so freaking down when I should be thankful.
Maybe resilience is not within me.
So I tell my heart to stop decaying and my stomach to stop aching and my lips to stop faltering and my mind to stop turning but nothing seems to listen and I lay in bed sick instead;
Managing my silent sorrows alone because they aren't mine to feel.
Thursday 17 July 2014
Saturday 12 July 2014
Petal Princess
I want to cover my skin in flowers ,
Wrap them delicately around my arms and legs,
So I can forever remember the way summer smells when I'm around you.
I want to feel the way they sometimes brush my face as though they never existed at all,
And how they tighten in the heat, excited but afraid.
If the petals fall as they often do, I will kiss each one goodbye with the gentle thought of you,
And when all has withered it will be a reminder that not all good things can be held.
But I hope when that day comes your smell will be my summer,
Your touch will be the soft reminder that I'm alive, a ghost if you will of everything beautiful,
And your arms
Tightly wrapped around me with every hope you won't let go,
Just change and grow with me ,
Love with me, feel with me.
Some days may wither while others will flourish,
And there is a need to make room for the new,
But everything different I hope comes with you.
Wrap them delicately around my arms and legs,
So I can forever remember the way summer smells when I'm around you.
I want to feel the way they sometimes brush my face as though they never existed at all,
And how they tighten in the heat, excited but afraid.
If the petals fall as they often do, I will kiss each one goodbye with the gentle thought of you,
And when all has withered it will be a reminder that not all good things can be held.
But I hope when that day comes your smell will be my summer,
Your touch will be the soft reminder that I'm alive, a ghost if you will of everything beautiful,
And your arms
Tightly wrapped around me with every hope you won't let go,
Just change and grow with me ,
Love with me, feel with me.
Some days may wither while others will flourish,
And there is a need to make room for the new,
But everything different I hope comes with you.
Saturday 5 July 2014
Day 3 July 3
I replay the night time in my dreams.
The smile I wait for when you're half asleep;
Or the way sometimes when my hand
Runs slightly over your sides you jerk unplanned.
How when I push your buttons you threaten to punch me in the face,
Yet I know you never will,
But still...
I try to stop cause you've asked so nicely.
That light innocent giggle gets me every time,
Almost sleepy and hopeful to break your trust would feel like a crime.
Wrapping every last nerve and butterfly I have around you
Hoping you won't float away and staring up at the stars.
The smile I wait for when you're half asleep;
Or the way sometimes when my hand
Runs slightly over your sides you jerk unplanned.
How when I push your buttons you threaten to punch me in the face,
Yet I know you never will,
But still...
I try to stop cause you've asked so nicely.
That light innocent giggle gets me every time,
Almost sleepy and hopeful to break your trust would feel like a crime.
Wrapping every last nerve and butterfly I have around you
Hoping you won't float away and staring up at the stars.
Thursday 3 July 2014
July 2 Day 2
Snuggles that keep me warm & make me feel safe.
Or just being close to you even if you seem distracted.
When you're cuddled up behind me how I feel as though
There is only that moment and nothing else matters.
How without even knowing it you sooth the fears and jealousy
I feel towards her in my hypocritical way- but this isn't the place for that.
When you try to tickle me and I pretend it doesn't work.
How much you love your dog.
The summer sun.
Your smile.
A kiss.
This.
Or just being close to you even if you seem distracted.
When you're cuddled up behind me how I feel as though
There is only that moment and nothing else matters.
How without even knowing it you sooth the fears and jealousy
I feel towards her in my hypocritical way- but this isn't the place for that.
When you try to tickle me and I pretend it doesn't work.
How much you love your dog.
The summer sun.
Your smile.
A kiss.
This.
Wednesday 2 July 2014
July 1 Day1
I can not begin to explain the feel of your hands on my skin.
The light touch and soft shock that sinks to my core.
And we walk as though there is no where else in the world quite like this,
Your arms on my hips and that one sweet light kiss
I wasnt expecting.
The air dances around us and teases your hair,
I just cant stop watching, I can't help but stare.
Your laugh that echoes between us fills every crack in the sidewalk
The way I imagine it soothing my heart of its dark talk.
And in a crowd it seemed it was just you and me
Your eyes were the point so far as I could see.
A moon orange and melodious hangs in front of us
As lights shimmer through the open sky.
My favorite part of today was you and I.
The light touch and soft shock that sinks to my core.
And we walk as though there is no where else in the world quite like this,
Your arms on my hips and that one sweet light kiss
I wasnt expecting.
The air dances around us and teases your hair,
I just cant stop watching, I can't help but stare.
Your laugh that echoes between us fills every crack in the sidewalk
The way I imagine it soothing my heart of its dark talk.
And in a crowd it seemed it was just you and me
Your eyes were the point so far as I could see.
A moon orange and melodious hangs in front of us
As lights shimmer through the open sky.
My favorite part of today was you and I.
Tuesday 1 July 2014
My New Writing Challenge
Hello EVERYONE
Recently I have been having some troubles keeping myself writing SO I decided to challenge myself using the recent trend 100 Happy Days The idea behind 100 Happy Days is to stop and recognize the little things in everyday that make us happy. The original challenge is to take a picture of something in that day that made you feel happy- no matter how big or small- everyday for a hundred days. I decided to apply this idea to writing. For the next 100 days I will be posting a poem or personal entry everyday about something that made my day :)
Recently I have been having some troubles keeping myself writing SO I decided to challenge myself using the recent trend 100 Happy Days The idea behind 100 Happy Days is to stop and recognize the little things in everyday that make us happy. The original challenge is to take a picture of something in that day that made you feel happy- no matter how big or small- everyday for a hundred days. I decided to apply this idea to writing. For the next 100 days I will be posting a poem or personal entry everyday about something that made my day :)
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