Silent Sorrows

There's a feeling all over my body I can't seem to shake,
I go to sleep and it doesn't go away, I dream of it and wake up to it magnified and trembling ugly on my lips; fluttering maliciously in my stomach, threatening vile. And I can't move, won't move; can't make these eyes sleep any longer but being awake feels almost worse.
My mind turns songs into screeching and love into guilt;
Drawn out, wretched and life sucking guilt I decidedly deserve to experience. I am imprisoned by a lake of hatred, darkness and fear; over powering my entire being, taking over my life;
My not so horrible life... and I hate that there's so much worse out there and I can't even keep it together.
There are people who have been through hell but do not bow down sniveling as I do to nothing more than a feeling; an emotion I am meant to accept or ignore.
But I struggle. And I thrash destructively about.
Guilt again for being so freaking down when I should be thankful.
Maybe resilience is not within me.
So I tell my heart to stop decaying and my stomach to stop aching and my lips to stop faltering and my mind to stop turning but nothing seems to listen and I lay in bed sick instead;
Managing my silent sorrows alone because they aren't mine to feel.