Just Her

I love her more than the night air breathing cool dreams into my lungs,

Sending blood pulsing through my veins like a freight train- she’s magic.

Comparable to a memory reminiscent of the days I wished I could fly, not far from the pictures I had painted myself out of; back when I believed it was weird to think of girls that way.

She is Picasso’s Blue Nude lady finally facing me,

Lips tight, posture grandly defeated, so impossibly and profoundly human- she swallows me whole.

I am her echoing heart beat, counting loudly the days until tomorrow.. 

Hoping there will be tomorrow;

As I reach for her in my sleep, always wondering if she will reach back, whispering darling I love you, make the anxious go away- she’s home.

She is the highest note in my favourite song, the one I can’t stop singing even when I get it wrong and her adorable not quite laughter is ringing in my ears.

I would hold her until my tired muscles grew still and my lungs sang their last ragged I love you;

Because that is what night air is to me and she is so very much more. 

The Truth Is

She had a crazy natural way of just looking at me and my hesitations all to often faltered to her charm. I had become decidedly quick at answering her questions or saying yes to her prompts; for fear that she may change her mind and I would be left wondering what if. I hoped she wouldn't notice the excited quiver when I sometimes spoke to her or notice how awkward I was at being normal. If she had there was no sign of it. I walked- inebriated by the night air and the smell of her so close to me- in lines that could no sooner be called straight then lines at all. We were masked by darkness and unfamiliar sights and for me anyway there was a sense of freedom, of limitless imagination. We could be anyone to the world, to ourselves and to each other. I had no fears of what others thought about me or us. The only thing that mattered was that underneath all the bullshit she saw me; really saw me.  
I don't think I had ever had so much feeling in just my fingertips; nerve endings exposed in my palm I never knew existed. At the same time it seemed as though the rest of my body was so incredibly numb.

Exhausting Purpose

We stopped, whole heartedly belting out a terrible tune- getting the words all wrong. And I remember thinking that there was no line between today and yesterday. Just the moon and the stars separating a tired old sun and our beating hearts counting the hours. Frail to amusement that came around once and a while; but mostly only heavy silence and cartoon anxiety.
We were ticked off school kids with a flaming desire for nothing more then adventure. Terrorizing hallways with our get back glares and mouths full of gossip. Far more oblivious than we could have ever imagined; with every purpose in our steps yet none at all.
We must have stood on top of staircases never quite imagining where we could possibly end up. And here beyond the walls of structure, struggling with a routine long passed, we wait on broken benches.

We scuttled behind desks bigger then we were once used too, crammed into classrooms full of people more driven then the cars we owned. Names became familiar but faces were always distant and we floated between acceptance and isolation. Pressure built its way around downtime and sleep, while relaxation became a word better known as sanity.
We revelled in the sense of purpose, of belonging. The lights were dim but the road was long and we never thought it would end.
We started listing student as our job when asked, and though at first we didn't tire of its explanation eventually our degree became something entirely different- because no one seemed to understand. Or the endless comments were always just the same.
We took pride in our inside know how and found comfort in the idea that life was just beyond that expensive little paper.

Or at least we could believe.

Life in the blink of a shuttered eye, sheltered by purpose, reaching always forward but never quite grasping the moment. Which at a moments notice
Is already gone.

Her Loving

Her loving is unlike anything I’ve felt before. 

Its an undeniable pleasure, an indescribable craving. 

Her loving is the perfect contrast;
Her soft lips pressed firm against mine, rough and passionate, tender and yet so lustfully egar. Every nerve on end, 
my hand tangled in her hair desperately trying to bring her closer.
 
Her loving is like a song;
Her melody plays in my ear, the most beautiful harmony, a fusion of tapered breathing and sounds only my body knows how to respond too.
A song I don’t quite know the words to but I would listen all night long just to get it right. 


Her loving is intrinsic; 
She knows my body, she listens to it, she moves with it, her hands exploring and recording my movements. 
Every caress feels meant for me and I cannot get enough.


Her loving is essential;
Physically from her hand in mine too our bodies intertwined, the way we fit so perfectly side by side, the nudges and dancing our slow kiss and fast pace. 


Her loving is essential;
Mentally from our silly conversations to the overwhelming confrontations, the bubbly emotions and confused commotion of it all coming together at once. 


Her loving is beautiful

Pieces

Everything feels as though it is falling to pieces in front of me
There is nothing I can do.
Everything I do seems to make things worse.
Something inside screaming to escape, stealing my breathe.
I care far too much smothering you with my worry and love
What do I do.
It hurts and the words don't come out right
I don't want to lose you.

Mixed

My mind is thoughts racing through empty space,
Speeding up my heart too match it's pace.
The tickle in my throat grows,
Spreading to my toes,
Tightening my thighs,
Closing my dry eyes.
Im alert and I'm aware
Into darkness I blankly stare.
And though im lying down
I feel high up off the ground.
As though I am soaring to my heart beat
Tumbling through a thorned back street,
Freeing but unapologetic

Melody of Night

Smoky kisses and hazy eyes,
100th yawn beneath moonlit skies.
Midnight cuddles, the warmest touch
Embrace so tight, but not too much.
Silly banter, restless minds,
Laughter filling empty times.
Countless moments I ask you why
You'd like to be here by my side.
The sun is weary, it comes to soon
Rising up above the moon.
Looks of longing, prolonged goodbye
Hugs and kisses
Just for tonight.