Tragedies of Lorali Fragment 2: Meeting Lorali

Where we left off in Fragment 1:
Judah is a mysterious man who claims to know Emily's mother. He brings with him a tattered old journal in hopes of connecting himself as well as Em with the lost memory of Lorali. [if you wish to read for yourself click HERE]  

Meeting Lorali

Jude trembled as he turned the book open revealing Lorali's handwriting sprawled across the first page. He cleared his throat terrified about how this would all play out.
"Would you mind reading, I am afraid its a little difficult for me." Jude said barely looking up from the page. Em grabbed the book reluctantly but began reading anyway. The words poured out as though she had rehearsed them a million times.

"The lengthy mirror hung a few inches from the floor smugly reflecting what was supposedly me; my odd fitted body, the tangled mess on my head, my unruly eyebrows and those annoying abnormally small lips. On any given day there were an infinite number of things I could find potentially wrong with me or my body. I looked down at my unproportionately small feet wondering if I would ever like the image glaring back at me. It was the same thing every morning and frankly I had grown tired of not looking the way I sometimes felt when mirrors weren't around.

I shifted my gaze from my feet up to my thighs, irritated by how they stuck together. I had never much liked my legs or how they slightly resembled tree stumps. Next in my careful inspection was my muffin top. I glared angrily at it and it simply giggled back. It made my outline lumpy and tight fitting clothes truly uncomfortable. My arms always aggravated me the most; how my shoulders looked normal but how a strange puffiness ensued as my arms gradually exposed themselves. And then there was my face.

“I HATE YOU” I yelled lunging myself forward with full force face first into the mirror; blood and glass decorated the floor beneath my feet…

Only I didn't yell. And I hadn't recklessly plunged my face into a god damned mirror on the wall. Instead I stood silently with my eyes closed, hearing glass shattering in my mind. I wondered if one day I would actually jump into wonderland but I didn't ponder the maybe’s to long."

Em paused for a moment to catch her breath. This seemed all to familiar to her and she wasn't quite sure that she liked it. The words jumped out at her and stung with forceful pain, like sharp needles piercing her skin. Jude wondered if this had been a good idea and reached forward to retrieve the book. Em's hand shot forward and pulled the book back towards her; she soon carried on as though nothing had happened.

"It was a lovely brisk April morning and rain fell slowly pitter pattering the ground methodically.  Not a single thing had to be done that day so after tearing myself from my own reflection I made my way to the window with a cup of hot tea. I loved to watch the rain and every so often I would just simply listen. Rain pooled in predictable little spots on the streets and I hoped it would last all day just for the simple fact that it gave me an excuse not to leave the house. Just as I was pondering life's greatest questions Ryan sauntered up the steps of my building. I watched as he skipped over puddles almost childishly with his guitar securely in a case on his back. My heart skipped a noticeable beat as I tried to play it cool.
"Ry!" I smiled as I met him at the door. He walked past soaked to the bone but returning my smile. There was something so intriguing about the way he smiled. He was a deep confusion to me but I loved just being in his presence; it made me feel alive and gave me every reason to be myself. There was never a moment that I felt uncomfortable around Ry; though ironically I was always afraid of telling him how I really felt about us. Truthfully "us" was an entity I had created in my mind in hopes that it would eventually come true. I knew he was fragile and he had plenty of reasons why we were all wrong together but that had never stopped us from fooling around. Ry mirrored a more desirable me in many ways. And I wanted so badly to capture this that I had grasped to tightly onto the idea suffocating the truth about the matter.
"Hey kiddo" he said making himself at home. His wet jacket draped over my kitchen table and he sat guitar in hand on the edge of the couch. "I missed ya L". Ry was almost fourteen years older but it had never really seemed like it to me. The age gap was nothing of a problem in my eyes but somehow it had always held him back. I sat beside him and listened as he strummed absent-mindedly on his guitar. Ry rarely said anything that made him vulnerable and I had never actually heard him say he missed me.  But then again most of the time I had no idea what to expect from him. I wanted to return the sentiment and allow the words I so desperately wanted to say to pour out. But the moment passed and instead I leaned into his shoulder. We sat for a while, him playing guitar and me listening contently. The music soothed the ache I sometimes felt around him and I imagined a scenario where our friendship was not so confusing."

Em watched as emotions played across Jude's face. She couldn't quite read them but she instinctively knew that this was hard for him to hear. In some small way she felt almost sorry for him; although he was strong and looked tough he reminded Em of a big teddy bear and she wanted to console him. She closed the journal knowing that the last bit of the entry would devastate Jude but having no idea how she could possibly have guessed. "I think that might be enough for today" she said without looking up. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" Jude looked surprised by the invitation however agreed quite quickly.
Jude could still feel a pang in his heart from the mention of Ryan but eased up as the evening carried on. The two cooked together in perfect harmony and for just a while Jude could forget the past. He could pretend that Lorali was still okay and that they hadn't skipped a beat. But Em, although very much like Lorali was in many ways very different. She was jaded and unforgiving and it made sense. Life had betrayed her, had beaten and bloodied her, had strained her beyond breaking point and had left her behind without so much as a warning. Perhaps Jude could have prevented some of Em's pain and maybe that was why he was there; maybe part of him needed to do this for his own conscience. Though memories of Lorali destroyed every fibre of his being he decided to carry on with what he had started.  Em agreed to meet Jude the next morning at a coffee shop to read the next entry and she waved goodbye from her window as he drove away.