Monster Within

You can't see it but there is something lurking behind you,
it is veiled by the shadows... your shadows,
those parts of yourself that you fear and therefore hide away,
deep within the darkest parts of yourself.
There is a well of tears and beyond that nothing more than a nightmare masked as a distant memory.
It will find you and when it wants you to see it,
not even the light will be able to ward off the invading nothingness;
the monster will then swallow you in its arms and master your movements as if they were its own.
You wont be truly you any more.
It will plant itself in your waking mind,
in your dreams and in your soul...
until those haunting shadows don't seem so terrifying after all.
You will begin to make friends with the darkness and welcome the time you get alone.
The monster tries to drown you but everything that you hide beneath the shadows keeps pushing you up for air;
the imposter has become so intricately connected to you that it wills your feet to move at its command; It wills that bottle to your lips,
that needle to your arm and that stranger into your bed,
and it keeps going until it has destroyed everything and everyone you ever cared about.
It feeds on the flesh of your happiness and seeks to destroy anything remotely bright in your life.
And after a while it becomes thrilling and you believe that you don't need the monster any more in order to destroy yourself.
You have become the master of your own destruction.
The monster steps back and admires its handy work;
you had let it hide away so long that it became a parasite.
It feared exposure,
it feared acceptance,
because then it never would have been able to cause you so much pain;
Now you are filled with a self loathing so deep that it must not go away because it is your only solitude,
it has become home and it knows just how to suppress your own dirty guilt and shame if only for a moment.
Until there is nothing more for it to take and so it to abandons you, in that empty place,
the shell you call home,
and the guilt you've come to realize is you in every single way.
Because you could never get out of this totally free.