Jumbled

I can't shake this unbearable dread.
Its in my body and racing around my head.
Only I dont know what it is and I dont know where it comes from,
All I know is that my eyes are dull and my life has become numb.
Im a monster in reality.
Look at all I've done to me.
And watch how I've molded these mounds to look how I see and what ill be.
Because I lie. Because I've lied.
And in its wake Im petrified, out of time, in a cry, speak my line, left to dry.
The world has no sympathy, for I've manufactured my own misery.
I hope some day I'll finally be
at peace with whats inside of me.
Until then prick my fingers, pull my hair, tug at my waistline- there is much to spare.
Im your plastic Barbie doll with less a mind if a mind at all.
And in the end you'll find me vacant,  pacing ideally, prepared to fall.
Talk to me tender I love your sweet soft voice in the pitch dark palace of my soul.