Q is for: Questions

Questioning life.
Am I on the right track?
How come everything starts to tumble in on me at the same time?
Why do I like her?
Am I ever going to stop being this way?
When's the last time I smiled for real?
Why do I just keep hurting people?
How do I live my life for me?
How come that's selfish?
Why now?
Do I really want this?
I think I might love her?
That's stupid isn't it?
Why can't I think for myself?
I thought I didn't believe in love?
Why cant I just be normal?
Does she care about me at all?
Am I hurting her?
Why do I do this?
Am I just crazy?
What is the point?
Am I making my life count?
Does it matter?
What do you want to know?

P is for: [Simple] Pleasures

The other day I was walking and the wind caught the rim of my water bottle and the sound carried over the sound of the music in my ears and I was caught up in the moment.
Its these split seconds of awe that get me.
The sound of rain on the roof of my car that carries me away, I could be anywhere, I could be anyone, the pitter patter happens just the same like the sun rises just the same and sets just the same.
A stranger going out of their way to make someone's day, or the artist on the street that plays with all her heart just hoping to be heard or the person with the courage to ask your name and what walk of life youre from.
That child you pass who gives you the biggest smile and doesn't even know you all he knows is that your smiling back and he is not alone.
The way lying in bed feels after a nice warm shower, how the blankets smooth against the skin are noticed rather then rationalized. The way a dream can make me smile the moment im awake before I even open my eyes.
A light turning green just before I get to it, that one sidewalk block that has been nearly destroyed. A clear street. Laying on the pavement eyes wide.
Feeling liberated enough to dance to my own beat in my room, in my car, on the street. Singing without holding back. The last bite of a chocolate bar. The end of a good movie. The start of a new friendship.
The crisp sound of fall leaves, a street with an overhang of trees. The moment my face hits water when I dive in. Floating on a lake. Campfires and old stories miles away.
Listening to someone pour thier heart out with nothing much to say, no advice to give.
And those moments of uncertainty but nothing is in the way of this shared memory.
You now share a piece of me and that's my simplest pleasure.

O is for: Only Time

Clouded temperament and collapsing judgment always closing and ever looming

With expectations and fondness consistently a flower blooming.

She floats with ease through my troubled mind and bubbles fear for who am I

The rain falls close in my heart and lifts my spirits to the sky.

Over emotional, out of touch, in a good place and in a rush.

Soft breath on the back of my neck

And my own breathing I must check

Eventually time will tell

Where we belong

If we belong

Together

in the

End

N is for: Naked

The other night a whole other world opened up to me and I was high on the simple act of being around you, I had felt it before but this was stronger.
I wanted to ride that wave and I could feel how much I want to be with you and not just physically; and how maybe you felt it too.
I tried to change my life, up and leave and simple words got confused and lost as I felt you pull away and take my hope with you.
I can still feel the soft and fast rhythm of your heart, hear it taunting my ears and making the moment feel alive. And there was no where else I would rather be.
But your words become fewer and your mind seems it is elsewhere and my heart begins to sink because I can only assume where it may be.
And I can feel those walls begin to close the gap they had just opened and my own walls begin to enclose me once more.
Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe it was just not our day and my mind ran away with it all.
When you hugged me I could feel my world of worry melt away and it felt like where I was supposed to be. And I wanted so badly for that to last,
I wanted so badly for you to feel the same and I forgot to remember that you really just might not;
And it scares me because I've never felt so damn open and naked and I can't help but notice I want this more then anything I have ever wanted before.
I want this more then I want my career and more then I want to feel needed, more then the fear it would take to overcome, more then I want to hide.

M is for: Misunderstood

I just can't seem to get it right. Just what I want to say.
and I mess it up so frequently, I feel you melt away.
No one has a perfect match, no one knows them in and out
I know that you are different and this I know without a doubt:
When I see you I know happiness I've never known before,
and there's so much to your mind I never quite know what's in store,
You're skeptical but humble and you care like countless few,
There's not much that I wouldn't do if I knew it was for you.
My words get me in trouble, I need to learn to shut my mouth
Before I drag my hurt and fear to bring this from north to south.
Forgive my insecurities, my flaws and all my doubt
I hope that you will give me a chance and we can figure this all out.

L is for: Longing

I'd like to be your smile, be the longing in your heart
Be the one you think of daily and who gives your morning start.
The goodnight you always wait for before you close your eyes to sleep
The weary mind that carries thoughts of you I always wish to keep.
I know you're just fine without  me making meaning on your own
And I'm sorry that your sunshine has been knocked down from its throne.
Id like to be that fire burning deep within your soul 
And the part that makes you wonder if you've ever felt this whole.
But I'm not quite sure its what you want, or all that you deserve
You pull me close then push away or at least as I observe.
I just wish that I could hold you through each and everyday.
and tell you with much certainty that everything's okay.

K is for: Kicked

I can't read her but she's got me flung open like a book;
I just can't help but feel I am ruining it with every word and every look.
I've got an inkling that the real me was simply never meant to be seen
I am far more exposed then I think I've ever been.
She knows my hiding place and every area in between,
And it all plays out like an inconsistent dream.
I begin to worry, my mind is my demise,
I start to overthink, overwhelm her with my cries.
This is where she will slip away I'm sure she's done by now,
And I will try to let it go but at this point I don't know how,
I was scared I'd be a nuisance and by trying not to be
I think I crossed the line and its far to hard to see.
I won't close off, I won't retreat; I'll wait patiently
While the dust settles and she decides what to think of me.